i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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