My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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