Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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