Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
