My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
