I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
