I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
