Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
