did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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