I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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