Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
