i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I supernannyed him into submission
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
