Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I got inside last night via doggy door
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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