those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
A+ Viking dick
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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