I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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