Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
