I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
