He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
