4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
