dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
