I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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