Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
