Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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