I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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