Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
