aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
