he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
