Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
