I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
