My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
