why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
