Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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