OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
