I'm really into asian looking animals
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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