it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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