You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I looked at my own cervix.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
