I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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