His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
