After last night, I could never be a politician.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
