wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
