Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize