ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
