Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
