he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
