i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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