I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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