Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
