Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
