We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The Olympian is in my bed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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