You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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