Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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