got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
