They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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